I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize