I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
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It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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