I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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