I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
