My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
