Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
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