My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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