Apparently you make a good broom.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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