Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Come on in and take your pants off
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
