; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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