im gay
i know
yea but for you.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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