I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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