that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
This toilet bowl is my home.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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