i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Randomize
