We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Also, beer. Big fan.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Randomize