You work out of a Hotel?
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
