I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
