we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Randomize
