I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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