There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Randomize
