dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
