Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
What did we do last night that was yellow?
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Randomize