My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
