I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
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