I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
