My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
