Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
