I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
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