So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
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