Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Randomize
