He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Randomize
