I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
