he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
