Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
