someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
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