I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
oh god the rape fog is back!
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
You took a bar mat shot.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Randomize
