I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Randomize
