I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
