i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Randomize
