you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
