Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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