words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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