Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize