The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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