I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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