That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
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