It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to be your penis for a week.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize