Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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