After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
