Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
