I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Hippo gnu deer
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Randomize
