im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
