I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
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