Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
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