things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
