well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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