He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I believe in your delicious
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Randomize
