I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
