Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Randomize
