lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
