Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
