It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Randomize
