last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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