Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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