I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
