party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
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i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
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