using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
