my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Can you bring me the toilet please
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
