I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
