I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
