She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Randomize
