Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
21 Of The Most Impressive Things Ever Seen In Porn
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
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Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.