i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.