I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
These 29 Nasty People Went To The Bathroom In Public
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.